nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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