Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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