Got a toothbrush?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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