the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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