I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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