bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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