Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
