theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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