His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
