??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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