YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
