you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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