I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
