Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
