I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
