it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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