I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
