Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize