Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
