If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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