She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
