i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
