Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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