she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
