He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
