Do you still have your period?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
