why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
