I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
