I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
