Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
