You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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