she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
