You're completely useless in the revolution.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
