I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
