The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
PANTIES FOUND
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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