So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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