fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
