Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
