i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
