oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
