I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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