I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
