Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
