When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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