sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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