woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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