i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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