she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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