What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever