He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize