Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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