I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.