Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
