Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?