I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube