when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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