Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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