Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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