I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
