You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
