You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
