i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
