Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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