these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize