We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
