hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Boobs speak an international language.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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