Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize