He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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