So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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