It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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