pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
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It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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