i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
