I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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