We won't sleep together?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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