You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i will never coherently bang her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
