He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
